Tuesday, March 4, 2008

My weekend from hell -

In case you were wondering where I've been, well it wasn't pretty. I'll spare you some of the gory details, but here is a quick summary. Friday evening, hell entered my body and came in the form of violently evil symptoms. Due to symptoms that were not your average flu bug, I knew that we needed to get to the hospital. BUT ... since I just began my job AND our insurance is now under my name ... AND this would not be effective until after midnight that evening, we waited. Remember this post? I know, it's Carma.

Anyway, the rest is a bit blurry, but here it is. I was taken right back to a bed where they couldn't start my IV because I was already dehydrated. Finally, it was in place. Went through several blue barf baggies, was shaking like a leaf but they didn't want to cover me up because it would encourage the fever, had to drink C.T. contrast AND not throw it up until after the CT scan was complete (which finally involved some IV nausea medicine), had 5 gallons of blood drawn (slight exaggeration) and was prematurely diagnosed with Pancreatitis (which is usually caused by ridiculous drinking habits). Luckily, this diagnosis required pain meds ... relief for a few minutes! I had to be admitted, but for 24 hours there were no beds available ... anywhere. They finally admitted me next to an old lady (in the same room) who yelled at the nurses, farted and had her TV turned up for the obviously deaf until my Dad politely suggested that she turn it down (which she quickly did, and then turned it off, rolled over and farted some more) ... right after she yelled at the nurses one more time.

By this time, it was discovered (by no small miracle) that this hospital did not have a GI doctor on staff. They wouldn't let me leave with a family member without being discharged and beginning all over again in another waiting room, BUT they would deliver me in an ambulance to a neighboring hospital who had my own room waiting for me. By now, the fever was 102.5 and the old lady behind the curtain made the decision an easy one. I was taken to another hospital, where the GI doctor knew that I needed a Colonoscopy. This would be my second ... not a fan. Sunday, they brought in the medication and drink that would prep me for my procedure. I've had nothing to eat since Friday and diarrheas since Easter, but they're prepping me like I'm a fat Italian (or at least they're trying). If you've never heard of the product called Go-Lytely, get on your knees and praise all that is holy ... because it is now what I will refer to as the devil in liquid form (DILF for short). So I am literally ordered to drink one gallon of DILF OR they will have to put a feeding tube down my nose WHILE I'M AWAKE and feed it through this way. I managed to get two large glasses down before the volcanic eruption began. At this point, I felt I had no choice and I surrendered my nose. So here we have Neil, my male nurse, lubricating the end of the tube that is going to be inserted into and down my nasal cavity while he instructs me on what my role in this sick and twisted event will be. We begin, it doesn't work, I decide that there is some sort of negative force field preventing the tube from going down any further ... he tries both sides and fails ... five times.

At this point, I am ready to get into the car ... ANYBODY'S CAR, and just go home. But, my Dad, in all of his wisdom, gives me a blessing that everything will just work out. Somewhere during that blessing, I knew that I had done all that I could do, my poor nurse had done all that he could do, and it would be ok. The next day the colonoscopy was performed (in and of itself a blessing) and NOTHING was found (even bigger blessing).

So tonight, four days later, I appreciate the bowl of corn flakes that I just had as a sign of slowly getting my appetite back. I appreciate being at home again. I appreciate the phone calls and well wishes from friends. But most of all, I appreciate the prayers and the support that my family gave me as my parents drove down and stayed at the hospital almost the entire time, as Gary did double duty taking care of me, sleeping in the car in the parking lot and then going home to take care of the kids, my Grandma for making my bed EVERY TIME I got out of it (which was many), Mary Ellen for telling me that she couldn't drink the DILF either and demanding the blessed enema, my "little" family for the visit when I was feeling a little better and finally Carol for bringing me home safely to your flowers, goodies and my kids.

Unfortunately, sometimes we need a taste of DILF to appreciate the profound perfectness that surrounds us. I am blessed.











16 comments:

Cyn said...

Okay, so WHY didn't anyone inform me that you were going through hell so that I could help you!!!??? Does this have anything to do with the beautiful pink sign outside your front door that I saw today? and how long has that been there and I didn't notice? or is it something else all together?! I'm feeling like a pretty cruddy friend right now, so please tell me of your fondest craving so I can deliver!!! Maybe that's why you kept popping into my mind the past few days...ya think?! So glad you're home and doing better! Really, though, any request is not too much. Just let me know. Love you!

Karen said...

The pink sign outside is still Kacey's birthday sign (I've been busy). You're not a cruddy friend, there is nothing that you could have done. No cravings ... PLEASE don't bring any food ... ugh.

Anonymous said...

Good morning, how was your night in your own bed? I'm still thanking God that you didn't have anything major wrong and with lots of rest and love can mend. Just remember, I'm just across the street, CALL ME if you need me or anything, ok? Illness of any kind can be a rude awakening for all of us and lets us know just how much we love or need a person. You are loved and needed very much. (I need this blog everyday to make me laugh or get my emotions going. It always seems to inspire me in some way and starts my day off energized.) You are a wonderful inspiration for me in so many ways. Love you loads, mom Shaker

Mrs. Bennett said...

I'm so sorry Karen. That would be hell. I was wondering where you were and was missing reading your wonderful blog. I'm glad you are feeling better! How did you get pancreatitis?

Tina McKinnon said...

Great description of the weekend events! Not as graphic as it could have been, thank heavens, but good job. So glad you're home and feeling better... you were one sick little girl. Take care. xoxox - mom

Lindsee said...

Oh, wow. I give you my sympathy. I wish you could have seen my face while reading that...especially about the DILF part...ugh...

Chris Shill said...

Glad you are feeling better wow! do they even know what causes that?? did it start out like you had flu like symptoms>>> Thank goodness for families and Husbands>

Karen said...

OK let me clear things up. I said that they prematurely diagnosed me with Pancreatitis because of the enzymes in my blood work, blah blah blah. However, once the rest of the tests were done, nothing was found. It was just a BAD case of the flu.

Thanks for all of your nice comments. It's good to be home.

njmckinnon said...

Poor Karen. I hope you're feeling much better. You've made me crazy with fear. I have to go see a GI doctor Monday....he's going to insist on a colonoscopy. Should I slit my wrists now?

Karen said...

Oh Aunt Nancy I'm so sorry. Here's the deal ... I was already sick. I went into the hospital throwing up and then they expected me to be able to keep down a gallon of nasty liquid when I hadn't kept much down previous to that. BUT ... as I mentioned this is my second colonoscopy and I think they are really such an invaluable piece of technology. They can prevent and diagnose so much illness. We are very lucky to have such ability. However, the first time that I had my procedure done, my doctor had me drink something called Magnesium Citrate instead of the Go-Lytely. If you can ask your doctor about this, the first time was MUCH better. I don't know what the difference is between the two drinks except that the MC is in a small bottle (like a soda) rather than a gallon and in my opinion the taste is much easier to swallow. Both preps make for a very long night, but I don't ever want to see Go-Lytely again as long as I live. Good luck!

Melissa said...

I am so glad that you are feeling better. Tiff told me about it Sunday night. I am glad that it was nothing else. Ben and I always say that your family needs a little bit of a break. I am glad little Grandma was there to take care of you. Keep getting better!

Malissa said...

OMG!! That sucks!! But at least you looked good in the hospital gown!! Thats hot!! I'm glad you're feeling better...I suppose sometimes it's good to go through hell, so we realize what we have everyday!! Get well!!

The McKinnon 4 said...

WOW! I never want a visit from the DILF! Sorry you had such a crappy weekend. Glad you are getting better now.

Becky said...

Wow! I don't want a can of DILF. Unless it gets me out of the house for a few days. Then I might consider it. (kidding....)

AmyK said...

I hate hospitals!!

Glad you're doing better girl!

Staci Lynn said...

Yuck! That sounds horrible!!! But I'm glad you're feeling a little better!!