Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Normalcy -

Things are starting to get back to normal around here. Sometimes I don't like normal. Normally, around this time of year, I start kicking myself in the butt that everybody is in school ... except me. My vision of ever attaining a degree seems to be gradually slipping away. I know that there are wonderfully inspiring stories out there of 92-year-old women never giving up and finally hobbling across the stage, outstretching their arthritic hand to accept the glorious diploma. These stories might be inspiring to some, but for me they just create conflict.

For the past two weeks, I have spent every evening and most mornings hovering over homework. I have been sharpening those #2 pencils and worrying about more deadlines than McCain and Obama. I have spoken with more teachers than should ever compile a semester's schedule and I've been worried out of my mind over perfecting some organizational skills . . .

AND I AM NOT IN SCHOOL!

I know that receiving my own diploma would be something that I would be very proud of, but at what cost? Where exactly would my study time be placed? Perhaps in between midnight and 2:00 a.m. because I selfishly demand at least three hours of sleep each night.

Right here is where the "should haves and could haves" begin to pile up like the laundry. "I should have jumped right into college as soon as I graduated from High School." The truth of the matter is, I did. I took a shorthand class ... anybody ever heard of shorthand?

"I could have been all done by now if I would have started at any point during the past 24 years!" "Why oh why oh why didn't I just go to school before I started running one?!"

Eventually I calm down and here is where I have to remind myself "why oh why oh why" ... I didn't.

I didn't go to school right out of High School because I HATED High School and couldn't wait to be done with education in any form (except for that apparent desire to be the shorthand Queen)! I had a dream! All I wanted to do was get married and have a family . . . and that's what I did. Unfortunately my dream consisted of a lot of nightmares before I finally woke up, but it all made me what I am today.

So there is the question. Without a bona fide diploma hanging in my pantry, what exactly am I today? At the end of this conversation that I normally have with myself, I begin to remember who I am ... and the list goes something like this.

I am a daughter of God.
I am a wife and a mother.
I am a teacher.
I am a writer.
I am a speaker.
I am an intimidator.
I am hilarious.
I am obnoxious.
I am a chef, kind of.
I am a counselor.
I am a nurse.
I am a recycler.
I am a psychologist.
I am a forensic specialist.
I am a lie detector.
I am a great date.
I am a lecturer.
I am a dreamer.
I am normal.

So life goes on. I will continue to dream of many things and grasping that diploma has not completely escaped my thoughts. However, at this point in my life, when I think of myself as that 92-year-old arthritic woman, I hope that I will be reaching for little ones who call me G.G. or something equally as cute ... and pointing my crooked finger at their many diplomas.


Aaaahhh ... normal.

What will you be doing at 92-years-old?

8 comments:

mom/sandy said...

Just remember that no matter what you will be 92 with or without that d*** diploma!!

We can never put a $$ tag on the education we recieve as wife's, mothers and serving our fellow 'person'!!

Curtis Chicks said...

I'm right there with ya. I only did 2 years of college and then life got in the way. But hey I did 2 years with a baby so I think that in and of itself is an accomplishment. I may not have a diploma hanging on my wall but soon my children will and that is far more important to me than anything I could ever accomplish.

So I stopped beating myself up for not getting a diploma and put that energy towards encouraging my girls to get one of their own. I may be doing ok without one, but it was a long hard road that I don't want them to have to go down.

oh and I took shorthand in high school, I was the shorthand queen and still know some, it came in handy passing notes in other classes :)

Oh AND my sister Becky has a blog now .... we're taking over!! (check my blog for the link)

Chris Shill said...

I will probably be still having grandkids not great or great great but grandkids, being that I will be 49 and have a six year old.. this is my depolma and I wouldn't trade it for anything else... I think we get allot of education just keeping up with what is out there in the world trying to destroy our kids and families!! good post Karen...

Chris Shill said...

and now you wonder why its because i can't spell i meant diploma!!!!! gees

Tina said...

That was very insightful and wise... just enjoy blooming where you're planted on any given day.
xox

Anonymous said...

Don't give up your dream.......It won't be long before your children are all grown and have families of their own. You will have plenty of time to devote to your dreams of a deploma and you shouldn't be anywhere close to the age of 92. Our children grow up so fast and they develope to have a life of their own, doing their own thing and including us once in awhile. So hang on to your dreams, it will happen in time because you will have loads of time for it.
Love you......

twin2trip said...

Can I just copy and paste over onto my blog. I could relate with that post. So exciting that the missionary is home..

Gail:) said...

Didn't you know you've already earned your PHD in marriage and family? We all tell ourselves we need a piece of paper to validate us, but no "official" degree will ever replace the knowledge we get from our own life experience. If you just want to get it, do it for fun and start online. I know there's nothing you can't do!