Friday, May 9, 2008

Happy Frickin' Mother's Day -

Because I'm not into drama and it takes a heck of a lot to get me teary eyed, this sad (and I mean ridiculously sad) story will be short and ... well, just short.

Today marks 33 years since my mom died. I hate this time of year, I hate this holiday and I particularly hate today. Every year I tell myself that it's just another day. Every year I try to stay very busy and not let it all creep in. Yet every year (barring one year when I had a harshly high fever and I couldn't care less what day it was ... that was good) creep in it does.

It seems like it was just yesterday that my Dad was sitting on a stool next to my bed with his face in his hands sobbing as I've never seen before or since as he had to tell me that my mom (his high-school sweetheart) was not coming home. It's a scene that will never leave my mind or my heart.

I was nine years old and I was the oldest of five little children that were now left with my Dad. My Dad is my hero because he did it (with the help of two sets of angelic grandparents). Blood clots had formed during pregnancy and obviously the Lord had other plans for this young mother of only 27-years-old. When I get to the other side, this urgent need will be the first thing that I inquire about.

This is the last picture I had taken with my Mom. She was pregnant with Julie and these were our brand new, hand-sewn Easter dresses. A few weeks later, she was gone.


Two of the people in this picture are gone now, but they're together. I think it's symbolic that the two in the center are the ones who have passed away because they left a very large whole in our family. My kids are now all older than I was when I lost my mom. I have prayed and prayed that this would happen. So on this Mother's Day I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I am a mother and that I have been given the opportunity to raise such wonderful children (as I typed this, Garrison just slammed my door ... brat). Anyway, I am grateful that I get to talk to Matt in two days! I am grateful that our family is intact. I am extremely blessed and I know this, but for now ...
Happy Frickin' Mother's Day.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm with you on this one! In the last 10 years I have grown to appreciate more why my mother hated it, too. I guess we forget that WE are mothers just that we don't have our own! Never get's easy, and we are never old enough to lose our mothers. This picture is exactly the way I remember Sue. Thanks for the cry! I love you. Carol

Becky said...

Oh Karen! I never knew your Mom (obviously...since I was born a week after she died) but I was always so interested in her, asking my mom so many questions about her, what she was like, etc. It was always so sad to me that she died so young.
I love reading your blog because I feel like we are really getting to know each other better (after all these years...). Growing up I used to dream that we would move to Arizona so we could be close to family. NOw I have done the same thing to my kids moving far away from everyone. Anyway. This was a long comment. I love you!

Chris Shill said...

Karen thanks for telling your story, i never knew that, one day we will all be together and that will be the best reunion ever.. I can't wait to talk to Zac and just to think this will be our last time and then they are home, and then we will probably wish they were still out!!ha your a GREAT Mother to your Children and I am sure they cheerish you everyday! Have A Happy Mother's Day let them enjoy that Day that they have with you!!!

The McKinnon 4 said...

I never knew that it was so close to Mother's Day. That is one thing I will never understand, kids having to grow up without their mother. It just plain SUCKS! I have heard what a wonderful, sweet person she was from so many people. I love that picture of you guys. Such a keepsake.

Nancy said...

This picture is exactly how I remember your mom. She was always so sweet to me. When Don and I got married we came down to get married in the Mesa Temple. I didn't know a soul, except Ella Mae and Gene. Sue stepped in and acted just like a sister to me. She was just what a scared bride needed. I've always missed her.

Heather said...

I'm with Becky...I'm so glad you have this blog. It's wonderful how much we are learning about each other. I never knew Aunt Sue either but I feel like I will know her someday. I remember my dad one time saying that one of the reasons that we came to see everyone down there for all the mission farewells and all the weddings was for in part for her.